Progress/Regress
April 15, 2008
So this is what the blanket looked like in relation to Christopher yesterday.
I COULD have finished it right there as you can see, but I’m kinda OCD. There are 127 single stitches across on this blanket . . . so I’m making it 127 rows long. It has to match . . . I don’t know why, but it just needs to! LOL
In other news, I’m struggling. After my birth mother died, I had a stress reaction of major migraines. This go-round of stress, I’m slipping (or maybe it’s falling) into a pretty bad depression. I’m not sure which option is worse.
I just wish that this was over, or that I had some sort of clue what is going to happen. In the mean time, I’m feeling like I don’t “belong” anywhere, incredibly lonely, and just . . . invisible . . . I KNOW that’s not true . . . I KNOW it. I just don’t FEEL it right now.
Sorry to be a downer.
Don’t apologize for having bad days.
*hug*
I have felt that before, too, where you realize in your head that you are loved and blessed but you just don’t *feel* that way. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way now.
I love you! I think you’re just great. You fit in with me.
I have been praying for you, too — for your latest stresses and for peace for you. Thanks for sharing a little more so I can understand even better and pray more specifically. You don’t need to feel bad for being a “downer;” we are your friends and we are here to lift you up.
Good job on C’s blanket! It is looking great. That color was my brother’s favorite at that age (maybe it still IS his favorite… hmm…) And I’m glad you’re making it even (I don’t think that’s OCD … or maybe I’m a little OCD??)
Love the blanket. You have a great talent.
I’ve actually been thinking about you all week, and kept thinking how I can get the scoop of what’s going on with you guys on Thursday. So you better come!!
Hope you feel better soon! You are loved! And fit in. Although I feel like that a lot too.
Please take care and do whatever makes you happy. Can’t wait to chat soon!
Sorry you’re having such a rough time, luv. Sure can sympathize. Uncertainty can be such a poison in our life. It can bring with it despair and anger, sorrow and bitterness. My own experiences with it made me want to curl up in a ball and ignore the world that was giving me so much grief. Hope you guys get your answers soon. ~hugs~
Yes, the blanket is coming along nicely! I’d probably do the 127 stitches and rows too.
Yes also, that you don’t ever need to feel bad for being a downer. We ARE your friends, that’s why we keep coming back! I love ya Kate and I think you’re great! If you ever want to talk, really, you can IM or email me. I enjoy our chats and I’m sorry they are so rare.
I hope you find some answers soon and that ultimate peace from Heavenly Father fills you through and through. XOXOX *HUGS*
First…You are VERY loved by many! I hope you can start feeling that soon.
Second…that looks great! Wow!
To answer your question about the blanket I made. I didn’t use a pattern, I’m not even sure what stitch I used. My grandma taught me to crochet years ago and I kind of play it by ear. I think it was a double stitch or something like that. I don’t even know how many stitches across it was. I did use only 3 skeins of yarn though. I know I’m terrible, I should follow a pattern.
Sorry you are feeling crummy. I know that feeling myself from time to time. It’s hard to make the logical side of your brain to convince the rest of you. I hope you feel better soon.
The blanket looks great and of course the rows across should match the rows down ;o)